Mr. Bottle

The drummers were drumming, the sun was burning and the flies were buzzing. Meanwhile Mr. Bottle was standing, we wished he could do otherwise, but that was the thing about being a bottle, one had to live by the rules of the bottle bearers.

On that day, Mr. Bottle’s life changed forever. A bottle barer was passing by with Mr. Bottle in hand. The sun burnt and he was out of water, Mr. Bottle was no longer of any use to him, but for some reason he did not dispose of the bottle. Suddenly he walked into a placed packed with flies, buzzing around his ears and head, the bottle bearer tried to drive those hairy creatures away with the aid of Mr. Bottle.

After a few minutes of swungs and bams, the bearer successfully drove those creatures away. Thanks Mr. Bottle he said. He was coming out a narrow street and just as he came out he was surprised by a group of street drummers. BUM BUM BUM! His immediate reaction was to let go of Mr. Bottle.

Mr. Bottle ended up rolling down the street along the drummers, the bearer followed trying to catch his savior. Wait! Wait! The bearer shouted at the drummers, but they could not listen for the drums drummed.

Finally they stopped at a small city plaza and one of the drummers picked up Mr. Bottle. The bearer went immediately and shouted: he is mine, that bottle is mine! The drummer was perplexed and thought the bearer was a little bit crazy. As the bearer rushed towards the drummer a sanitary department truck passed by, the drummer seeing the state in which Mr. Bottle was, discarded it into the truck.

No…it can’t be. Said the Bottle Bearer. Why did you do that? The drummer did not what to say. It’s just a bottle man. He then gave a coin to the bearer and signaled a vending machine that was on the opposite corner. The Bearer walked silently to the machine, inserted the coin, heard a few sounds and suddenly Mr. Bottle appeared.

I missed you Mr. Bottle.

Paper Man

Jimmy Carrot went to sleep at 11 o’clock one night in April, the events that to place next were quite out of the ordinary.

He was in his pj’s and had a kebab for dinner. In a few words he was tired as hell. He closed his eyes at 11 and fell deep asleep. Suddenly at 3 or something like that, he woke up, but he felt he was not him. You see, he opened his eyes only to feel his left eye, he did not feel one of his hands and one of his feet. In all he felt like a one dimensional creature.

He did not feel his stomach, nor his brain or inner bodily fluids. He did not know what he was. What was a human? What was he? He was some kind of paper man.

You see folks. Paper men are a real. They are people whose brain is working in strange ways that makes one feel only in one dimension. For those of you who are thinking that it most be some kind of marijuana overdose or some drug related experience, well you are wrong. Paper people exist, all around, only if it’s for a few minutes they are everywhere whenever night falls. So be sure next time you are using your scissors, you are not using them on paper people.

The man who wasn’t there

There was a man who was never there.

In fact we do not know where he was.

He was supposed to be there.

Someday one fellow said he was somewhere else.

Where?

There in the other corner.

As he pointed he noticed that he was not there.

Hmmm…he was supposed to be there, but isn’t anymore.

That man…the man who wasn’t there.

Cable

They were created with one purpose, to connect. They, the blackies, the longs, or simply cables as we know them colloquially, are one of men’s latest and most important creations in the past century.

But there is one hidden secret that was not told to us when these spaghetti like creatures were created. After the first successful cable was breathed, the scientists understood the importance of these little fellows and so did them. It was just weeks after their creation that cables landed a deal with men: they would pretend they were inanimate objects and serve men only if they could lead a separate secret lives while unseen by the human eye.

So, next you open a drawer, or take out your video game control cableand fin out that is full of knots, remember it is no coincidence for there is another truth. Maybe you shall install CCTV to keep an eye on these wary creatures.

The Train

Langston waiting while enjoying a Cuban cigar

Taking the right train has always been kind of an acquired ability. And although cities often offer maps and timetables, people seem to get it wrong with a certain regularity. But there was one man in a city whose name I do not recall who knew always what train to take no matter where he was, he had an innate gift that gave him the ability to take the correct train, his name Sir Langston Troyes.

Yes gentlemen, Sir Langston Troyes, was an elegant man, refined, healthy, had its way with the ladies, and knew what train to take. Sir Langston Troyes was a desirable fellow. He was always dressed correctly, with a tie, a cup hat and smoked the most exquisite Cuban cigars. He had  a ravishing moustache that appealed even to youngsters who though of Sir Langston Troyes as a dandy. But he was far from being a dandy, he was much more than a dandy, he was always on time and knew timetables.

What a wonderful human he was that Sir Langston Troyes.

One day however, something was off the usual. To be honest I do not know what was it that smelled funny that day, but there was definitely something going on. Sir Langston Troyes had to take a train to Ulan-Bator, the capital of the Popular Republic of Mongolia, one of the largest landlocked countries in the world. So it was that he boarded train number 9. He went into his cabin unpacked and prepared for a nice long journey to the vast steppes of Central Asia.

Ten days had passed, and Sir Langston Troyes readied up to the arrival to the central station of Ulan-Bator, but as his watch stroke 10 o’ clock the train did not stop. Something had gone terribly wrong. Sir Langston Troyes panicked. Where was he heading? What country was he on? But most important, had his great gift just vanished to eternity?

He could not communicate for he did not speak the language. He had only one option to wait and see where the train was heading. Two days passed and the train finally made a stop. He opened the curtain and saw something written in Cyrillic: Vladivostok. What the-?

Suddenly in the train station someone was trying to wake up Sir Langston Troyes. “Sir, sir”. Langston opened his eyes. He turned and saw the name of the station: Waterloo. “Your train sir, its about to leave.” Langston got up, and headed into the train with final destination to Ulan-Bator.

Yes gentlemen, that day will be remembered as the day Sir Langston Troyes almost missed his train. Luckily his gift is still intact.

No rain

Once a band called Blind Melon said that there was going to be no rain. Let me say my dear friends, that they are a big dissapointment for those of us who follow music very closely, for there is much, much rain these days. Let us pray that bands do not continue predicting false things, let us pray they will do the right thing and leave nature to do its work. Today there is rain, maybe tomorrow it won’t be a beautiful day…. and we will have to let it go away.