Made in China

I bet there is an Elton John song version of Made in England made in China….

Could not get the right trimmer for my beard.

They were all too expensive for my face.

One day in China shop.

I found the one.

Perfect price.

Perfect shave. It said.

Payed in crunchy  fresh cash: 8 euros.

Charged it for five hours. DONE.

Turn it on. BOMB!

It don’t work.

Just as I though.

Made in China.

The Bird

Sir Birdoo

As it is known, pigeons are the masters of the cities. From skies, plazas and train stations, these humble birds rule our daily urban life.

Their life may seem simple to us, but inside the bird’s society there is a highly complex organizational structure, where all pigeons respond to only one: the supreme bird, the master, Don, the bird of birds- Sir Birdoo.

Sir Birdoo is always accompanied by two sparrows (Sparrows are known to be the humble servants of numerous pigeon leaders), which are on the watch all the time in case someone drops any crumbles of bread or just about any kind of food.

That said, one morning, Sir Birdoo received a call from some pigeons living in the lower part of town. They informed Sir Birdoo of a mysterious egg that appeared on the roof of that building. Sir Birdoo went immediately to the scene and was surprised to find a huge egg. Because he was the supreme bird, Sir Birdoo had to know who the egg was from, but he did not. The other pigeons asked him, and had to come up with something in order to calm the wary birds.

Sir Birdoo could not risk having a larger bird in town, for he would lose all his power. -It is a terrorist egg.- He said. -A terrorist egg?- Said Clive, the fat pigeon. -Yes, and we most search for similar eggs, for they represent a greater danger to all of us. Now go and search for these threats. Go!- Said Sir Birdoo.

Once they were gone, Sir Birdoo, tapped the egg with his elegant cane to see if there was something inside. “tap” “tap” No response. He then asked his sparrow servants, Nelson and Willy, to use some morse code on the egg. “pip” “pip” Nothing. -Break it- The sparrows made a small hole in order to squeeze their head a search for any life. “swoop” “swoop” Both were swallowed inside the egg. Moments later, their small hats were spat out of the egg shell.

Sir Birdoo, took his hat off, closed his eyes and dedicated ten seconds of silence to his humble servants. “Krrruu” He called, and Craig and Leonard arrived, the local sparrows. -Fellas, I got a job for you. Carry that egg to a high altitude and drop it.- He said. -But it will break, Sir Bridoo- said Leonard. -Exactly, do not question me. Just do as you are told.-

-Yes sir-

Yes it was another’s day work for Sir Birdoo. Anything he could do to maintain the pigeons status in the cities. Sir Birdoo returned home and signed a law which banned all suspicious eggs in the area. Yes my dear sirs, if it weren’t for the actions taken by birds, we would be surrounded by terrorist eggs. Thank you Mr. Bird.

Master Clean

This is the story of Master Clean not Mr. Clean. Curious to say that they were brothers. Master Clean was the older brother of Mr. Clean. He was not handsome, and had no charms with people, but was the cleanest man on Earth. His brother was the opposite, handsome, charming and loved; but was messy as hell.

Master Clean went to college and graduated with honors in the cleaning department. Afterwards his career started, but he met no success. Mr. Clean did not graduate at all, but due to his charms and looks he started a highly successful business that the entire world knows of. Unfortunately not everyone knows that Mr. Clean is a fraud. He was only lucky. He had to shave his head because his hair was very dirty, it even had some kind of unique ecosystem. Master Clean on the other hand, had to retire to the forest were he dedicated entirely to clean the forests.

Sadly to say, no one visits Master Clean. But he does not care, he only cares about cleanliness. And that is everything that maters. Mr. Clean on the other hand just makes things messier.

Life goes on. And we keep choosing Mr. Clean, when we should be choosing Master Clean.

Por el camino del desierto

Some of us walk, sometimes without knowing where. Me, I just walk por el camino del desierto. Why? It is the way. The only way. Someone asked: Why choose el camino del desierto? El camino del desierto leads one to many places. I responded. Then, I shall follow el camino del desierto. Why? I asked. Because it leads to places. He said. That is right. I said. Lots of places. As I took el camino del desierto, I noticed that most people take it, but do not know they are in it. Next time, look around, and maybe…just maybe you may find yourself in the camino del desierto.

True love

True love

Jeremy Iron loved his dog. It was true love. Shakespeare should have written about Iron’s love and not the Romeo and Juliet. His wife, who did not love him, was fed up with the dog. “Jeremy, if you do not kick that dog by tomorrow, I promise someone else will leave this forsaken house.” Jeremy looked at his dog, Simon, and gave him the look: “It is time to go buddy.” Simon understood. “I am leaving Magda.” “Good!” she replied. He packed one bag, opened the door and left that house forever. Magda never saw either Jeremy or Simon…

Johnny Surfer

Johnny Surfer had only one goal in life: to surf the whole world wide web most commonly known as the www. Every day and every night he would go about visiting every site known to man…from social networks to real live explicit porn sites. He had it all going, site after site he was making his dream come true. 60 years passed and Johnny surfer was about to complete his odyssey, but something went terribly wrong. One Saturday morning as he finished breakfast he turned on his computer try to log in to the Internet but could not .He tried and tried. Next Monday he received a letter. Dear Mr. Johnny Surfer, due to the lack of funds, we are obligated to terminate your contract with us. You will no longer have access to the Internet. Sincerely, Network Guy. Johnny Surfer was devastated, so close and yet so broke, not a penny in his wallet. He then went got the newspaper and proposed something entirely new, to try every job in the classified section until he could get an Internet connection.

The watcher

He lived in the fourth floor. Across, he could see lots of apartments on other building, but it was only in one that he was really intrigued. It was also the fourth floor from the building just in front. Every day as he prepared dinner and checked his e mail, he could watch a woman watching TV, he was not interested in the woman at all, but on what she was watching. He could never make what channel was she watching. So he would turn on his TV and see which channel matched hers, but none of theme did. First he thought she had cable, then TiVo, so he got those providers, but without success for he could not match her channel. So the years passed, every night trying to guess, until one they he made up his mind to go and ask her. He rang the door, no one answered. Minutes passed, an old lady appeared, he told her that he had come to meet the lady on the fourth floor. Anna? Yes, he said. She’s gone. He learned that she had left that evening, where? The old lady did not know. He returned disappointed. The other apartment was empty, no TV. He gazed in sadness to the bright night sky, then as he was lowering his head he found something incredible, in the fifth floor of the Art Noveau building some lady was watching tv, so he sat down and as he ate his dinner he tried to find what was it that she was watching.

The greatest mystery of all times

Throughout the centuries the human being has been surrounded by a load of mysteries, from the mystic ruins of StoneHedge to the dazzling pyramids of Chichen Itza. Great thinkers, scientists and rugby players have all wondered how they got there and for what purpose were they built. A part from those mysteries, there is one that has been almost forgotten, the mystery of the missing sock. These hat like clothing that keep your feet warm have perplexed humanity from the beginnings of time. It seems that one day we fall asleep and the next day we wake up knowing that one sock is missing. Are they alive? Do they posses certain level of intelligence that we do not know of? Where does the missing sock go. Alien abduction or just marital problems…The truth is that sometimes the mystery resolves itself without any explanation at all, and the sock appears out of the nothing. But most of the times it will be found only to find itself alone again, for his long life partner has gone of to the vast terrain of the dumpsters. Maybe it is faith, maybe coincidence or maybe we will never know. The truth is that there are millions of there out there, all waiting for an explanation.

Peas’ birthday

Every year Pea was eager to celebrate his birthday and every year he was disappointed for nobody remembered or attended his party. As with many, Pea, was a little bit disappointed by the life the Vegetable realm had to offer. One day his dying uncle told him: “Pea, if you remain like that for the rest of your life, you are going to end up like me, there’s still time to change, there always is.” Peas’ uncle died minutes later, and this disturbed him a lot. He took his advice seriously and went to become great Pea, but still his birthday remained widely forgotten by everyone. One day as he was going into his house, he opened the door and was taken by surprise. Happy birthday they all cried. Pea turned around to see if someone was behind. Everyone remained still. Pea suddenly remembered it was indeed his birthday, but he had forgotten. He was very happy, he went out to breathe the fresh air, when giant silver force came down and took him away forever. Yup, Pea had only one real birthday and it was taken away.

Harmonica Joe

Harmonica Joe was born into a family of harmonicas, (when I say this, it’s because they were really harmonicas). His dad was a doctor, in fact he was the only doctor in town, his mother managed a small restaurant that attended sailors and he had two older brothers, Harmonica Esteban and Harmonica Marvin; both who were prominent sailors. Harmonica Joe, being the youngest had special attention from his mother and his father, but was often treated as a baby and never taken seriously. He was about to finish high school and his parents asked him what was he going to do when he got out. A harmonica, he replied. His parents said nothing and went to sleep. Harmonica Joe was surprised by their reaction, why didn’t they say anything? `The day after he was at school chatting with some friends, and told them what had happened earlier that night, to his surprised they also reacted in a strange manner. They told Harmonica Joe that he could not take the path of the harmonica. Why? He asked. Well, you just can’t. They replied. Harmonica Joe was disappointed at life, his friends and family did not approve of the life he was going to choose. His brothers were sailors, what was the difference? His dad a doctor, friends wanted to be lawyers. He just did not understand. But harmonica Joe had made his decision and was to become a harmonica. The day arrived and Harmonica Joe started his journey to become a Harmonica, he said farewell to everyone and went off.
Twenty years passed, and no one knew what had happened to Harmonica Joe. They did heard however, their familiars and friends, that there had been a hugely successful case of a Harmonica making its appearance in various stages around the world….